DMT…it just keeps getting better!

First off, Hello again! Long time no chat… I only have a few minutes before I head into work but wanted to get a few thoughts out before they flutter away. Note: I’m feeling a little sweary today 🙂


This morning I was discussing a new healing modality with a friend and DMT came up. Of course, my birth-y mind dove all in. I love DMT…hell, who doesn’t? It’s not called the “business trip” for nothing! You can scourge the internet and find all fascinating things on what DMT is, how and when you body produces or reacts to it, yadda yadda. What specifically I want to cover is the metaphysical reasoning behind DMT and influential factors (for better or worse!).

On Netflix there was a documentary – may still be there- that discribes Dimethyltryptamine aka DMT as “The Spirit Molecule” and while the scientific jury is still out on that is one thing for certain…it is naturally present at the moment of birth in both the mother and baby and it is also there at the moment of death. But why?

A portal, perhaps?

I’d like to think so. Many reports of people taking or inhaling herbal DMT (think ayahuasca) claim to have contact with alien forms and other outter worldly experiences. In it’s natural form developed in the body, the experiences can be shorter but not any less profound. My personal experience when having my son was that I was surrounded by not aliens but all the maternal and goddess energies. Mother Mary, all my feminine ancestors, Lady Nada, and this incredible sense of innate wisdom and security.

I had a low -risk, non medicated, uninterrupted birth but let’s pretend there is a inhibitor involved. Something man made that allows birth to be convenient for the woman, their family, and even the doctors. Something like pitocin or an epidural… What kind of impact would that have on this extremely important portal?

IMO – a whole hell of a lot. When labor is artificially induced or sustained, the baby is not energetically, chemically, or spiritually ready to be born. This results in stalled labor, increased chance of c-section (which little to no DMT is released), or a myriad of other complications and birth trauma that people spend the rest of their lives trying to bury or have to fix on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

What if we embrace the importance that is physiological birth. What if we trust nature’s design. What if women feel the pain of childbirth in order to have this euphoric release of DMT. And what if, in fact, DMT is a portal or gateway to the “other side” & because of it we get to welcome fully formed souls into this world. Humans would be happier, healthier, and honestly more hopeful…in my opinion…

F-Bomb Pattern

Bear with me. This is my first time writing a pattern that someone other than me needs to interpret! Also, I will update with more pictures as I get them. If you have any questions or comments about this pattern please reach out & happy crocheting!


Let’s starts at the beginning…I had a customer request “F-bombs” so I did a simple google search to figure out what she was talking about. Turns out… it’s an actual thing! I found a few free patterns as well as many paid versions, so I had high hopes of the options I had out there. After making three different versions that did not work well for me (hand stitching the letters on was a pain in my butt.) I decided to take what I know about how to color change mid row and make my own pattern.

You can find a video tutorial for this entire project on my Facebook page, here.
If you simply want to see how I color change, that can be found here.
How do make a magic ring can be found here.

For this project you will need:
Worsted weight yarn (color A – bomb color, and color B – letter color, and a little bit of white)
“D” Crochet Hook
Polyfil or other stuffing material
Scissors
Embroidery needle

Abbreviations:
ch – Chain
st – stitch
sc – Single Crochet
hdc – Half Double Crochet
hdc2tog – Half Double Crochet 2 together
BLO – Back Loop Only


Bomb Pattern:
1. sc 7 into a magic ring. (7)
2. Two hdc in each st around. (14)
3. *Two hdc in next st, hdc in next*. *Repeat around. (21)
4. Two hdc in first st, hdc in next two st, two hdc in next st, with color B – hdc in next 2 st, with color A – *two hdc, hdc. Repeat from * to the end of the round. (28)
5. hdc in next 6 sts, with color B – hdc in next 2 sts, with color A – hdc the rest of the round. (28)
6. hdc in next 4 sts, with color B – hdc in next 4 sts, with color A – hdc the rest of the round. (28)
7. hdc in next 6 sts, with color B – hdc in next 2 sts, with color A – hdc the rest of the round. (28)
8. hdc in next sts, with color B – hdc in the next 5 sts, with color A – hdc the rest of the round. (28)
9. *hdc2tog in first st, hdc in next 2. Repeat from * around. (21)
10. *hdc2tog in first st, hdc in next. Repeat form * around. (14)
–stuff ball with polyfil–
11. hdc2tog x 7. (7)
12. hdc2tog x 3. (4)
Tie off.

Wick Pattern: (I used a little bit of white yarn)
ch. 7, sc in 2nd chain from hook. (6) Tie off & leave tail for sewing.

Top of Bomb Pattern:
With color A…
1. sc 6 in a magic ring. (6)
2. Two sc around. (12)
3. BLO sc around. (12)
4. sc around. (12)
Tie off & leave long tail for sewing.

Putting it together:
Tie wick inside of the top.

Using a tapestry needle, sew the top onto the “bomb”.

Optional: Add a ‘spark’ to your wick by cutting small strands of yarn, attaching them to the end of the wick, & pull apart or rub them together.

5 Sanskrit Mantras for Everyday Life

Chanting is one of the oldest practices of meditation. Spoken language was around long before written language and the different tones or vibrations with which early man spoke, really pulled from the true essence of our souls.

I was introduced to Sanskrit mantras about 5 years ago. At first I was confused and felt a bit out of place being a Lutheran from the Midwest. These mantras originated from Vedic beliefs so it felt strange to “worship” other Deities…but I’ve come to the understanding that these vocal vibrations can deepen your connection to the divine no matter your religious stance. All these mantras do is set our frequency to that of the universal message.

Sanskrit chants are repeated 108 times…traditionally, mala beads are used to keep track. The catholic rosary is based off of this “tradition”, if you will. You don’t need to say them 108 times each time…55 is also acceptable but sometimes they just pop into my head when I need a moment to refocus or quiet my mind. I repeat them as many times as I feel is necessary and then go on with my day! You can find many of these on you tube or produced by various artists…or you can just say them to yourself!!

Another interesting insight to mantra chanting is the mechanicals of it. The sounds and syllables of Sanskrit mantras activate meridians and other energy channels which promotes healing throughout your body. By moving the soft aspects of your mouth & throat, you are encouraging your circulatory and lymphatic systems to work more effectively!

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite mantras:

1. Gayatri Mantra

“Om Buhr Bhuvah Swah

Tat-savitur Vareñyam

Bhargo Devasya Dhīmahi

Dhiyo Yonah Prachodayāt”

GENERAL MEANING: We meditate on that most adored Supreme Lord, the creator, whose divine light illumines physical, mental and spiritual realms. May this divine light illumine our intellect.

Like clockwork, as soon as I open my eyes this mantra starts playing in my mind. It’s lengthy but has a very beautiful musical tone to it. I encourage everyone to start their day with gratitude and watch the miracles unfold.

2. Peace

“Om Shanti Om”

This is a relatively easy one to remember and I often find myself using this when I am driving or in other stressful situations. It calms and centers my attention and emotions fairly quickly!

3. Removing of Obstacles/Root Chakra

“Om Gum Ganapataye Namaha”

I like this mantra to ground me. Once you get into the flow, it becomes rather addictive to chant. This is another daily one for me. Whenever I feel “triggered”, challenged, or stuck this mantra eases me back into the flow of life.

4. Healing

“Om Shree Dhanvantre Namaha”

Occasionally this comes to mind while working with my clients. But personally I use it as a “check-in” with myself. It brings any areas of discomfort to my awareness & how to address the issues causing me pain, illness, or disease.

5. Joy & Fulfillment

“Om Radha Krishnaya Namaha”

I generally feel this one in my solar plexus and heart chakras…which makes sense. If you find yourself guarded or unhappy, try chanting this while moving. It not only can unblock the mental components of your distress but also the physical…Get out there and dance, baby!

Loving Our Periods

Growing up female was not always rainbows and unicorns. Puberty, hormone changes, body hair, & menstruation were all topics of anxiety and disgust. I learned to “deal” with these issues rather than understand them and, in essence, myself.

All too often girls, especially preteen or prepubescent, are self conscious about the multiple changes that happen to their body. The receive generic and sometimes outdated, dangerous information regarding the sacredness that is feminine reproduction & all the systems that go along with it. We all have horror stories connected with our cycle…here is a glimpse into how I began to love my period instead of despise it…

I got my first period cycle in 6th grade. I remember sitting in Science class and feeling like I “wet” my pants. I sat there uncomfortably & tried to readjust when I noticed blood on the plastic seat. As the youngest of three girls and also having “sex education” in 4th & 5th grade…I knew this was coming but it still didn’t make that first time any less surprising. I remember tying my bright yellow, lined jacket around my waist and asking to be excused to the bathroom. I did not have any pads or tampons in my bag to take care of the situation so I folded toilet paper in my underwear to stop further leaking (although the damage had already been done!). In my next class I gained enough courage to ask to go to the nurses office…my teacher asked “why?”.

Oh. Em. Gee. The mortification…it was a female teacher so I knew she’d understand but I wasn’t ready to step into and own this power cycle of my life yet…it actually would take me over 15 years to fully come to terms, appreciate, and LOVE my menstruation…

My mom helped me understand how to use feminine hygiene products and I “coped” with my period for the next few years. Then, when I was a sophomore in High School, I had a terrifying experience prior to one of my cycles. In the middle of class I started having extremely painful abdominal cramps. Not like regular period cramps. These were so severe I was unable to stand, let alone walk! One of the football guys had to carry me down a flight of stairs to the nurses office. I was immediately sent home and my doctors office was almost sure I was experiencing a pancreas attack. My mom took me to the ER where they did a sonogram and found nothing wrong with my pancreas but did find abnormalities near my ovaries. Next, and the internal ultrasound…now if you’ve ever had children they do these early on in pregnancy for dating purposes, but let me tell you as a 15 year old virgin that scope is NO JOKE. I remember feeling unsure about the procedure but also wanted answer as to why I was so miserable…well, it happened and you may have guessed – cysts. One was so big my OB said if they were to do surgery they would have to take my whole ovary.

15 years old…being told my chances of having babies would be less than 50%. My mom agreed surgery was NOT an option. So we opted for the pharmaceutical route, meaning starting me on hormonal birth control to hopefully reduce and rid my body of the cysts.

I remained on various forms of birth control for over a decade. When my husband and I decided to have kids I got my IUD removed & I remember thinking how HORRIBLE my last period was before I started taking birth control. This made me anxious…would my cysts return with a vengeance? What if my fertility was already affect by them & any scar tissue that may have built up over the years…

To my surprise my cycles were less dramatic and easier to “cope” with even compared to the ones I had while on birth control. My hormones regulated and my PMS symptoms resided…I was actually happy with my body for once. Still didn’t “understand” it, but was happy.

The catalyst for my yearning for knowledge began when I miscarried our first baby at 9 weeks. I didn’t need a reason for the miscarriage, I just wanted possibilities so I could be better informed for the next time we conceived. It was during this intense research into feminine cycles that I stumbled across a whole new way of understanding my body. Our cycles correlating with the lunar calendar instead of a monthly one, what chemicals are used in feminine hygiene products that we are then absorbing into one of our most powerful chakra/energy centers (It literally creates & sustains human life!), how to better understand hormonal changes thought my cycle based of off discharge, weight, and other symptoms…this was a whole new way of living.

I only had one cycle in between my miscarriage and conceiving with our rainbow baby so I was not yet able to personally experience all these amazing things I was learning about. I had another 15 months to arm myself with knowledge after having him before my cycle finally returned. I kid you not when I say that my periods since having our son have been the best, most enjoyable experience of my life. I am so grateful to be able to celebrate the profound magic that is womanhood. My experience of ease & grace during what used to be a turbulent & shameful time for me has truly confirmed my decision to reduce, or at least limit, toxic & chemical exposure to my body…which includes no more birth control, organic & reusable feminine hygiene products, and monthly or regular self-care rituals that support me.

To each their own on this journey, but if you ever want or need to chat about how you can better listen to your body’s unique cycles and ways to naturally support it…let me know…Periods are my friend. Women are my people.

New Project of 2019…Little Haven: Community Space

Vision, intention, & manifestation all coming together for this new “baby” in my life. I have always craved socialization but after becoming a mother I realized how little socialization I was getting. Outside of kid’s activities, errands, and doctor appointments I was not participating in fulfilling adult connections. My hobbies & interests have fallen to the wayside and I have lost myself in the identity of “mom”.

Not in 2019! This year I am hoping to create a unique community of local women & families who want to commit to show up for themselves because of, not in spite of, their littles.
I often talked myself out of attending yoga, art classes, and other self developmental things because
1. I didn’t want to pay for a babysitter
2. I didn’t feel worthy of “me” time…
3. I felt bringing my child would be a hindrance or frowned upon by other attendees.

Little Haven: Community Space will be a place of building non-judgmental and authentic relationships while we raise our confidence as moms, women, and kick ass people. Learning skills, tips, and techniques that help make our lives easier, safer, and most of all more fun! All the while having our children watch us show up for ourselves.

What to expect from this community:
Monthly & weekly classes, small groups, play dates, events.
Childcare included on-site during most adult oriented events.
Communal space available for parties, personal events, etc.
Opportunity to teach any skills or knowledge that you have!

What better way to teach future generations how to commit to their own happiness than by showing them how. We deserve to connect, talk, and be authentic in what interests us…so let’s create a space for just that!

More to come as this amazing journey unfolds and opportunity arises. I want to be as transparent during this time as I can…Let me know if you have any questions or want to be involved as a contributor…this is for OUR community!

Permission to be Ourselves

With the New Year comes New Beginnings. We always use this time of year to make resolutions, changes, and commitments to ourselves, our health, and others. I’ve never really ‘bought into’ this notion that it takes a specific date, such as January 1st, to allow for modifications to take place. Maybe it’s because my life is in a constant state of change and evolution or maybe it’s because the concept of date & time are losing their sense of importance for me.

The ending of 2018 and, so far, the start of 2019 has been spent in quiet, reflection & appreciation for the current status of my life. I’m enjoying time with my family and the seamless balance into my working life. I am in utter amazement as I enter my 30th year of life at what I have created in front of me. I wouldn’t have this immense awareness of the beauty I am surrounded by without permission.

Permission to be happy, sad, indifferent, overzealous, anxious, sick, funny, sarcastic, rude, sensitive, masculine, feminine, angry, emotional, perfect, almost perfect, not even close to perfect…ALL THE THINGS.

Whether we are conscious of it or not, our daily actions are affected by this concept of permission. And it starts from the day we are born…

Think about babies & children. Most parents & adults try to control when & how you sleep, eat, play, behave. We grow up in a culture of distorted right & wrong based on the perceptions of a ‘societial norm’. Well, I can tell you as someone who has never felt like I belonged in that norm, it’s very uncomfortable, especially as a young child. No one ever made me feel like I had permission to be myself. I didn’t feel safe to me ME!

Conformity only goes so far until it breaks a person down to rubble…but like the Phoenix that rises from the ashes, some of us are able to break free from this imaginary box we place ourselves in. Once on the outside though, it’s almost as isolating. There is a sense of relief & expansion but yet an underlying fear because it’s uncomfortable to ‘not fit in’.

You’ve let go of your security blanket. You may see others who have embraced this seemingly ‘radical’ idea of individuality but there is disconnect because as you are on your own path, you realize they are on theirs…It’s like waving to your neighbor when you get the mail but realizing in the 10 years you’ve lived next door you actually have never stepped foot in their house.
You’ve fought so hard to be heard, seen, and felt as an individual but all of a sudden it seems as if not one cares…and that’s the beauty.

“And then there is the most dangerous risk of all – the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.” – Randy Komisar

Overcoming the urgency & demand to be important or valued has been such a learning curve for me. It’s ME who needs to respect and honor ME above all else. Once I accomplish that, I see the reflection among those surrounding me.

Give yourself permission to be, act, & do things that bring you joy (Thanks, Marie Kondo!). When life becomes balanced and you act in a harmonious way, joy will be all you ever see. No time better than the present!

Being Human

When you first meet someone the conversation usual flows to what you do and who you are. You can tell a lot about a person about how they define themselves.
If they say they are a mother to three beautiful children, you know they value family. If their answer is a lawyer, then it’s their career they consider most important…most people define themselves by the things they’ve accomplished and their physical traits.

So when I sit with this question the list of things that have been used to describe me (female, daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, massage therapist, personal trainer, reiki master, doula, etc) start running through my head. But who am I really?

I am human.

A physical manifestation of pure energy. My soul is gender less, it is neither light nor dark because it encompasses all things, I have no other divine purpose than to experience this life for all it’s worth. The ups, downs, heartbreak, joyous moments, and all the career paths I have chose are all part of my experience.

We are made perfectly, there is nothing about us that HAS to change. We are complete & whole. Anyone who makes us feel otherwise has not come to peace with that concept themselves. When we recognize every aspect of our being we begin to see it in others. The prejudices end and real heart-centered love starts.

That’s the secret. Humanity doesn’t need healing or saving…it needs recognition and acceptance. All other species of plants & animals do this naturally. We have forgotten how to human. Competition and fear rules our daily lives because if we have nothing to fear than how can we be controlled?
What’s the biggest underlying fear humans experience? Death.

Some see death as the worst thing that could happen to a person. Without fear, you’ll understand that it is the second most beautiful thing that happens in a lifetime (birth being the first, DUH!). Dying doesn’t need to be scary or difficult. It’s a natural process that we instinctively know how to to…like with most things we just have forgotten as a species HOW to do it.

When all is said and done, the human species will continue to transition in to & out of this reality. Don’t fear the uncertainty of how or when these things come to be. Instead revel in amazement that you can bear witness to all the extraordinary things this life has to offer from beginning to end!

Mama On A Mission.

So if you know me, you know I am passionate about a lot. The #1 thing that really gets me going is when people are not informed. Doesn’t matter the situation. If you don’t know the how, what, when, where, & most importantly the WHY of something then you are not properly informed. Also, understanding where that information is coming from is key.

Many people have biases based on financial gain, power, blind faith, or for various other reasons. What is the one thing those opinions all have in common? They don’t involve YOU…or what is in your best interest.

What is my difference. I give a shit. I care about people not money, fame, or power. I look at all aspects of a situation and interpret the energy from that. Does it align? Doesn’t it? The WHY is so important because if we continue to do things “because that how we’ve always done it” is damaging. In relation to birth, we have not always labored lying down on our backs….that was common practice once OBGYNs (who originally were men, btw.) started delivering babies because it’s easier/more convenient for them.

We’ve forgotten our natural ability to thrive & survive. It’s easier to relinquish our responsibility to ourselves onto others so we’re not the ones to blame when our health, finances, and happiness trickles down the drain. But I’m here to say, “stop”. Realize your power. We’re all in this life for such a short amount of time and instead of just existing start LIVING. Every day. No excuses.

It may feel scary or intimidating to step into your authentic self, but the freeing aspect of openly expressing yourself is indescribable. For a moment, I want you to think about the children in this World. They look up to us, they aspire to be like us. What kind of life do you want them to experience? One of continual fear & disappointment or a vibrant and colorful life? I know what I will chose for my kids. I hope they grow to be beautiful individuals and take chances. They will only aspire to do that if I teach them & what better way to teach then by example.

We don’t need permission to be ourselves. We just have to remember who we are in the first place & trust that we are made perfectly to handle every situation presented to us.

Breaking the Ice.

Guys…this is my first ever blog post! Bear with me… There are so many ideas floating around for topics and ideas so hopefully this will help me better organize these thoughts. 

But first, what content will be discussed?

Anything & everything is fair game. I am a LMT (licensed massage therapist) and trained Birth Doula in Eastern Iowa. Other titles that have been used to describe me in this lifetime are sister, energy worker, wife, reiki practitioner, mom, personal trainer, daughter, light worker, friend…the list is endless. All content will evolve as I do. When I reach new understandings and growth physically, emotionally, and spiritually it’s only fitting to share with others. Not because I expect others to share the same viewpoints but because it is essential to start opening others to different ways of experiencing and understanding life. And to appreciate those who see the world in a different light!

So often I have struggled with saying too much or not saying enough. I’ve witnessed hundreds of synchronicities and premonitions throughout my life. I plan on writing about some of these experiences and how they have shaped the lens in which I view the world today!

Why start this project? So. Many. Reasons. 

While in my doula training I felt an urge to start sharing my experiences and understandings. Through my birth experience I realized how much I am an advocate in my life and also that many people, women in particular, don’t voice their goals when put in vulnerable situations. There is so much fear about the unknown, not only in pregnancy and childbirth, but in life in general. My hope is to show through example or explanation that our experiences in this lifetime are beautiful blessings no matter the circumstances.

I’ve also have seen how others have struggled to “be in the flow” of life. For these individuals there’s a struggle to manifest things and life seems like a losing battle. Do you know anyone like that?  Me against the world mentality, always a victim of their circumstances, does not take responsibility for karmic lessons in their life…these thought patterns can be transformed to start living a lighter, enjoyable existence.

What a start! Thanks for being participants and recipients in this creative endeavor. Hold on tight and remain Happy, Healthy, and Hopeful!