My Conscious Pregnancy

Here’s our story…

My husband and I decided to expand our family after our 1st wedding anniversary. We were successful around Christmas 2015 and went in for our 8 week ultrasound in the beginning of February 2016. The baby was measuring small so we went back in a week later to make sure it would be viable.

It wasn’t.

The second ultrasound revealed no growth or heartbeat. That was on a Tuesday… I was leaving for a work trip on Friday. We decided to have D&C Wednesday morning so I wouldn’t have to miscarry naturally while out of town for two and a half weeks.

*Side note: I had a premonition even before we conceived that this would be a reality at some point in my life. I wasn’t expecting it for our first pregnancy but as it was unfolding I had a sense of calm. Almost as if my soul had been through this before and I was not afraid. This inherent knowledge also came into play during my labor but I’ll save that for a different post.*

That was a tough month for us. But because of that experience it opened a dialog between my husband and I that proved we were in this together. We are a team. We discussed the fact that we did indeed want to be parents but maybe the divine timing would allow us to achieve our personal goals first. We talked about going back to get Master degrees, switching jobs, taking a second honeymoon, trying again after summertime…little did we know that wasn’t the plan…

May 2016. On a whim, for no apparent reason, I took a pregnancy test I had left over from that winter. Positive. What now?

The first few weeks I was in denial and had to set reminders on my phone to drink plenty of water and not drink that glass of wine. I didn’t have any signs of pregnancy — no morning sickness, nausea, sore boobs. Nothing. 

I’m naturally a positive person so it was not difficult for me to keep my thoughts on the up & up but this was the first time I could see both sides of the situation. I try and live each day consciously and am very in tune with subtle energy shifts around me. I was aware that if I had not been in my normal state of mind I could easily fall into a dark place because of this pregnancy. All the “what ifs” and the “should have been” thoughts that creep in can really cause damage to someone’s psyche (or ego, if you will).

The first trimester passed without a hiccup. I had so many people tell me how lucky I was and that I wasn’t “normal”…that really bothered me. Now I’m not saying that all pregnancies can be without difficulty but what I challenge you to notice is the soon-to-be-mother’s perception of her situation. If you live gratefully in the moment, your perception of the experience will be more positive than if you view it with fear and anger–obviously. So the next time you talk with an expecting mother and all she does is complain…help her shift her reality by focusing on the silver linings.

I began to feel him move around 18 weeks, my husband felt him move around 20 weeks, and I really began show around 23 weeks. The second trimester was just as non eventful as the first. I liked to learn about how other women had progressed (when did they feel the first kick, what symptoms are they experiencing, etc.) but I never compared my experience to theirs. I was comfortable sharing my “easy” experience not to boost my ego or to discredit theirs but to lead by example. Because what is life if you’re not choosing to be happy each and every day — and yes happiness is a choice.

By the third trimester I couldn’t believe it was almost over. I had enjoyed every moment of being pregnant even the “bad days” when all I wanted to do was nap or couldn’t catch my breath walking up our one flight of stairs. I admit I was a little nervous not about labor, surprisingly, but what life would be like after he was on the outside. 

What I want all people, not just pregnant ladies, to understand is you don’t need apologize for your condition. Be gentle and understanding with yourself. Listen. We have within us the ancient wisdom and support to overcome any adverse situation.

Most of all stay happy, healthy, and hopeful!