Clairvoyance, channeling, spiritual gifts, and the like.

Everyone has unique gifts, affinities, and/or traits that align us with our true self. When we act against these innate characteristics that is when issues arise in our lives. Whether it be with our health, financially, romantically, or anything else that can cause pain and distress.

Seeing auras around objects and people was one of the first gifts I remember experiencing. Growing up, I never had the vocabulary to express what I was seeing let alone an understanding outlet who I felt wouldn’t judge or scold me. I was nearly 20 years old when I first learned about reading auras. It was in a massage continuing education class that had nothing to do with auric fields or energy related topics. During one of our breaks, just for fun, our instructor had another student stand at the front of the classroom  against a white wall. Then she had us write down words to describe her. When we shared what we had written everyone had written obvious descriptors…Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, tired,etc. I wrote down orange. I remember she was wearing a white shirt and black yoga pants so I couldn’t explain why I was seeing so much color around her. Not wanting to sound crazy I withheld my observation until the instructor said, “Did anyone see anything else?” At that point I knew she wanted more than the obvious so I spoke up. She validated I indeed was reading her emotional aura.

Another gift that unfolded for me at an early age is my ability to channel. My previous post about coffee with my father could label me as a medium of sorts. However, I feel like my ability goes much deeper than just communication with energys that once inhabited this physical plane. It’s more of a connection with all energies no matter the origin. When I am locked into the “Source” or “God Energy” (lets not get caught up on terminology) I feel an abundance of emotions and possibilities. Not only does this ability allow me to be a channel for information but it also manifests as clairvoyance. Many friends and family know about my “chingle” AKA my butt cheek tingle. I often get asked random, trivial questions regarding pregnancies, relationships, carreer choices, etc. Up until recently, I indulged in the fact that I’d be spot on and would freely share with whomever was asking. Now I’m more protective of my gift because peoples choices and circumstances are constantly changing. I’ve realized that my chingle about a situation today could be totally different tomorrow due to these fluctuations in action and perception. When I get premonitions I ackowledge them and send gratitude for my ability but I’m much more reserved when sharing with the general public.

I’ve had many instance of feeling odd, strange, or an outsider because of the way I experience life in this realm. Getting picked on for being weird was a constant in my early childhood. I suppressed a lot of who I was just to feel accepted into society. Now, here I am, in my late twenties trying to not bandage over these old emotions but allow them to release and flow. I grow each day because I’m stepping into my own authentic self. I’m learning that who I am is okay because of these gifts and not to be scared of them. By getting reacquainted with myself I am getting happier, healthier, and hopeful.

Religion vs. Spirituality

Many people are struggling with the rigid confines of organized religion and therefore rebelling against it. The rise of different religious paths is really interesting to look into if you’re so inclined. Suppression, misinterpretation, and financial gain are some of the reasons why there has been a disconnect from the religious groups in our western culture. It doesn’t fit our evolving understanding of the meaning of life. Why spend time/energy with things that don’t align within us? What if it comes down to perception? Yes, historically most of the World’s major religions have seen some sort of corruption, but could the thread of truth still be uncovered and brought forth?

I was raised with a strong Christian background. We attended Church and Sunday School every week sometimes twice a week! There were numerous Christmas Programs, Vacation Bible School, and other extra curricular church activities that occupied my childhood. I didn’t really retailiate going to many of these functions and I generally enjoyed worship. In college, as most people do, I revalued my position on organized religion. I stopped attending regularly and didn’t say my daily prayers. I became aware of myself as a spiritual being and that trumped any religious teachings I had up until that point in my life and it made me angry toward “religion”. Who I used to be felt like a stranger and I felt lost but I continued my work spiritually — meditating, daily rituals, chanting, yoga, etc. I refused any kind of religious growth or connection. 

My senior year at The University of Iowa I took a class called Quest for Human Destiny and it created a shift in my understanding. The professor, who happened to also be a Jewish rabbi, used biblical texts as stories of fiction rather than historical events. When The Bible is read through a theoretical lense verses a factual one, it changes the connotation of religious teachings and makes them resonate on a deeper, spiritual level.

“Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place — the Most High who is my refuge — no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. ”

Psalm 91:9-11

The first time (and honestly the last time) I can remember being completely unbridled and authentic with myself was in 5th grade. Each summer I would attend a week-long, overnight Bible camp not to far away from my home. Even though it was less than a 30 minute drive, I felt as if I was thousands of miles away. The land and forest of this particular camp has a strong energetic connection with the Divine. I would lose myself in the awe and wonder during my exploration of the grounds and in the various camp activities. One project that truly lit my internal fire was our daily acts of service. It was basically doing chores around the facility like cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, yard work, and such but it was so much more than that. It taught me how to serve selflessly. Not because it was required but because I felt intrinsic value in doing it. 

Now, as an adult who daily acts in service towards others, I realized that there is no difference between being religious or spiritual. The confusion is within vocabulary. Someone who believes in a Universal Energy or a general “Higher power” is essentially believing in God. One who spends time in prayer is spending time in meditation. Those who have spiritual gifts are essentially “prophets” and share similar abilities as the disciples…

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13:2

As a light and energy worker I often call upon guides, angels, and ascended masters to assist with my clients. Some family members and friends, who have a strong tie with their religious beliefs, have struggled with understanding what I do. From their point of view because it’s “unknown” or “taboo” it’s something to fear. The way I understand it is it actually supports and deepens my personal religious beliefs. Again, just another misunderstanding.

At the end of the day, we are all spiritual beings living a human existence. What path we choose follow can only be determined individually and should be celebrated by everyone even if it’s not in alignment with what we choose to believe. If the object is to make each person believe one way, we hinder our growth as a species. Challenge common understandings, seek YOUR truth, and always be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

Morning Coffee with my Dad.

I’m a little hesitant in writing this so it must be time to share this short piece. Oh, by the way, my dad passed away in 2015. 

Here’s our routine – my 7 month old wakes me up around 7am, I change his diaper, we let the dog out, turn on spotify, my son plays on his mat or in his jumper, and I make a cup of coffee…

About this time there’s a shift in energy in my house. Enter dad. Always on time, always the same. I can imagine him walking through my door with the newspaper tucked under is arm, coffee in the other asking me typical dad stuff. I first started to notice his presence regularly after my son was born and would usually brush it off because it would bring forth heavy emotions of sadness & grief. A close friend, who happens to have many gifts and has never met my father, confirmed his visits when my son was about 3 months so I started paying closer attention.

I sit with my cup at the kitchen table with a pen, notebook, and sometimes my pendulum and oracle or tarot cards. I write down any thoughts or memories that are brought to my mind’s eye. I pay attention to the lyrics and names of songs that come through on my Spotify as these can give more understanding to the topics at hand. I ask him questions of all sorts…what’s it like to transition, professional clairity, reassurance, investment guidance…you name it, we’ve discussed it. Each day brings up new topics and I’m grateful for this extra time with my dad.

For those of you well versed in spirits, attachments and the sort – I assure you all ties are cut and he knows he’s allowed to leave when he wants. I was actually the one to help him cross the first time because his death was sudden and unexpected and he was energetically stuck in this physical plane. It’s entirely up to him when he visits and I know there might come a day my dad won’t join me for coffee, but until then I will grab a second cup and continue to be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

Soul Purpose

In the past couple weeks there has been a monumental shift for me when it comes to my life purpose. I blame the solar eclipse.

I’ve always been a confident person but after giving birth to my son in January I was so empowered. I couldn’t understand why women were rushing for medication and c-sections to get through their normal, healthy labors. I became determined to shift the thinking of expecting women and society, in general…so I took my doula training when my son was 5 months old. There was something missing from that class. It was informative but there was a disconnect or fear when it came to talking about changing societies perception of birth. The way a soul is ushered into this realm is just as important as how they exit…sometimes they need help navigating it! A new mother, as well, needs support in her transition into motherhood. 

For those who don’t know me, I can be pretty intense when engaged in something I’m passionate about and I’m passionate about birth…I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to make the standard, passive doula practice work for me when I know there is a bigger shift to help facilitate with. In my accounts of pregnancy and labor I mentioned that I experienced premonitions and times of just knowing…Can’t everyone experience this reassuring sense of understanding and calm? Yes. Sometimes it’s masked or hidden but it’s available to all. Where does this understanding come from?

Lemuria.  An ancient civilization located on the islands of present day Hawaii. You can google the full history and how their culture spread into the world thousands of years ago. This peaceful community held ancient wisdom from the stars and there is an awakening happening right now like never before. Gender roles were different but equally respected in this civilization. Men were the providers & protecters…women were connected to the Divine and brought forth new souls to nurture.

In Lee Caroll’s channeling of Kyron, he talks about the seed of original knowledge has been lost. This understanding is practical & elementary. It can be applied to beginning and modern societies because the truth of how to behave, how to balance, and become compassionate is always the same generation to generation. Again, google can lead you to many more of these divine messages if you’re interested.

Sidebar: There has been a lot of amazing people doing things with this work but just like with the Akashic records, I feel like there has been a rush of financial gain from a knowledge that is free and waiting for all. Everyone is looking for their “tribe”, I get it. However, when did money ever play a role in the exchanging of ideas or information for our ancestors. It was a human right to be taught these ancient ways (i.e. shamanism and other cultures of the distant past). Let’s go back to interacting as humans, not as business transactions.

Back to my original train of thought…While laboring in the hospital, I entered a meditative state with each contraction. I was physically in the delivery room but mentally I went somewhere else. The teachings from my Lemurian ancestory helped me remain centered throughout my childbirth experience. I was so comforted, not only by external support, but internally…as if I had my own cheering section on the other side of the veil passing my son’s soul off to me in a harmonious and gentle way. We worked together as a team to transition him into this physical plane. And what do you know…He is the most mild mannered baby I have ever met.

In contrast, there was another mother laboring at the same time as me. She was screaming in agony and pain not very far along in her labor. The medical staff told us that she would be getting an epidural, no exception…there was no *trained* emotional support for her. Obviously I don’t know who this woman is or how the rest of her labor went but I can tell you that their little girl did not stop crying the two days we were in the hospital. Morning, noon, and night…wails would come from their end of the hall and we had yet to hear our little guy do more than squeak.

Coincidence or is there a bigger picture here? I’m interested to see how my future pregnancies go (God willing!) and what affect it will have on my children’s temperament and behavior. By being carried by the mother, the child, male or female, would naturally inherit some of her consciousness. And if that consciousness is already awakened and comforted by the pure essence of womanhood/sisterhood than how powerful can future generations become! We’re waking up…it’s the next step for our species and we’re ready to evolve.

I still don’t know where this will take me personally or professionally, I have a better understanding of myself and how I can contribute to humanity in a larger way. I’ve got my confidence back and it will help me continue to live happier, healthier, and hopeful!

My Conscious Birth.

My husband will adamantly tell you this is not exactly how our labor went but it’s my recollection and I’m sticking to it! I wont get too graphic but consider this your warning…I’m talking about birthing a child for goodness sake!

The weeks leading up to the birth of our son, I had been making significant progress with effacing and in dilation. At 38 weeks I was 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced. At 39 weeks I had gotten to 2 cm dilation and over 80% effaced…My OB swept/stripped my membranes for the first time at this appointment. To the surprise of my OB I made it to my 40th week appointment on my due date – 1/30/17. I was almost 3 cm and over 90% effaced. For a first pregnancy this was great…she swept my membranes again and, as I told my husband later, she really got after it this time.

The rest of that day I walked, sat on my birth ball, stretched…you name it – I was excited to get that kid out. A friend of mine came by mid afternoon to visit. While sitting at my kitchen table I was feeling very mild cramping and didn’t think much of it. I started timing them when I realized I was beginning to anticipate their arrival. They were 45 seconds long every 4 minutes. Regularly. Having some episodes of Braxton-Hicks the weeks leading up to this point I grabbed my water and repositioned myself on the couch. After about 30 more minutes of slightly noticeable intensity of the contractions I called the on-call doctor. She advised me to pay attention to them for another hour and if they indeed did not go away to come in for monitoring. She also told me while on the phone that I didn’t sound like I was in labor so it might be nothing…”What is labor suppose to sound like?” I thought to myself.

I called my husband to come home from work around 5:30 pm and we went to the hospital around 7 pm. We shared the elevator up to L&D with a nurse just coming in for her shift. Our conversation went like this:

Nurse: Are you here visiting friends? 

Me: No.

Nurse: A tour of the Maternity unit?

Me: No.

Nurse: An induction?

Me: No. I’m in labor…

She looked very puzzled at how this woman could be standing here actively contracting and holding a conversation like nothing is going on. She wished us luck as we stepped out of the elevator probably assuming we’d be sent home. When we walked to the desk to check in the nurse there was the third confirmation of how unusual my labor was presenting itself. “You don’t look like you’re in labor.” She had said…again, I was wondering what does labor look like? Sound like?…I kinda began doubting that what I was feeling was actually it.

We were sent to a monitoring room for a few hours where I was hooked up to the machines that allowed them to “see” my contractions…by 9 pm we were admitted to the hospital but no one explicitly told us this. I was over 5 cm and 100% effaced. We were told to switch rooms and when we were alone I asked my husband “So, we’re not leaving here without a kid?”.

Prior to my third trimester I began visualizing what labor was going to be like. Not necessarily about the pain or sensations I would experience but the atmosphere and energy that would be present while I labored. I often told friends and family that I pictured Jason and I joking, laughing, and generally enjoying the moment as I kept progresssing. And what do you know…that’s exactly what I experienced. We alternated between Pawn Stars and My 600 lb. Life on TV, we Googled where our nurse was from (p.s. It was the same nurse that we had met in the elevator so she was a little shocked to see us admitted!), “doctor Jesus”, and the list of fun and memorable moments goes on and on. My early labor was FUN!!

Around midnight the OB came in to check my progress. She medically broke my water and I was at 8 cm!! I could not believe how quickly everything was going and relatively less painful than I had anticipated. My contractions where definitely stronger and more painful at this point. We also learned that he was “sunny side up” so the OB tried to turn him into correct positioning but he wouldn’t go. I continued to labor and around 2 am I started feeling the need to push. My sweet, sweet nurse tried to hold me off as long as she could but by 3 am I think she had enough of my complaining…The OB came in and I began to push. 

Because this was my 1st labor and he was facing the incorrect direction everyone kept telling me that I’d probably have to push longer so to save my energy. At 3:20 the doctor left the room to check on another patient in labor but instructed me to keep pushing. So I did. Only a few pushes later there was panic in the room…His head was out! I was told to refrain from pushing until the OB came back..so I waited…it was the longest minute of my life. I remember it feel like slow motion – almost an out of body experience. Once the OB was back and suited up she wanted me to scoot towards her on the table.

“YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?!?!” With the help of Jason and the entire medical staff they moved my body down the table.

At 3:36 am on 1/31/2017 Noah James was born. 7lbs 1oz.  20.5 inches long. Unmedicated and perfect.

There are parts of his birth story that ignited this desire within me to become an advocate for women in their most vulnerable state. This is why I trained as a doula…someday childbirth won’t be viewed as a ‘medical event’ in a woman’s life, it will be viewed as a spiritual one. Because of this we will all be happier, healthier, and most of all hopeful!

My Conscious Pregnancy

Here’s our story…

My husband and I decided to expand our family after our 1st wedding anniversary. We were successful around Christmas 2015 and went in for our 8 week ultrasound in the beginning of February 2016. The baby was measuring small so we went back in a week later to make sure it would be viable.

It wasn’t.

The second ultrasound revealed no growth or heartbeat. That was on a Tuesday… I was leaving for a work trip on Friday. We decided to have D&C Wednesday morning so I wouldn’t have to miscarry naturally while out of town for two and a half weeks.

*Side note: I had a premonition even before we conceived that this would be a reality at some point in my life. I wasn’t expecting it for our first pregnancy but as it was unfolding I had a sense of calm. Almost as if my soul had been through this before and I was not afraid. This inherent knowledge also came into play during my labor but I’ll save that for a different post.*

That was a tough month for us. But because of that experience it opened a dialog between my husband and I that proved we were in this together. We are a team. We discussed the fact that we did indeed want to be parents but maybe the divine timing would allow us to achieve our personal goals first. We talked about going back to get Master degrees, switching jobs, taking a second honeymoon, trying again after summertime…little did we know that wasn’t the plan…

May 2016. On a whim, for no apparent reason, I took a pregnancy test I had left over from that winter. Positive. What now?

The first few weeks I was in denial and had to set reminders on my phone to drink plenty of water and not drink that glass of wine. I didn’t have any signs of pregnancy — no morning sickness, nausea, sore boobs. Nothing. 

I’m naturally a positive person so it was not difficult for me to keep my thoughts on the up & up but this was the first time I could see both sides of the situation. I try and live each day consciously and am very in tune with subtle energy shifts around me. I was aware that if I had not been in my normal state of mind I could easily fall into a dark place because of this pregnancy. All the “what ifs” and the “should have been” thoughts that creep in can really cause damage to someone’s psyche (or ego, if you will).

The first trimester passed without a hiccup. I had so many people tell me how lucky I was and that I wasn’t “normal”…that really bothered me. Now I’m not saying that all pregnancies can be without difficulty but what I challenge you to notice is the soon-to-be-mother’s perception of her situation. If you live gratefully in the moment, your perception of the experience will be more positive than if you view it with fear and anger–obviously. So the next time you talk with an expecting mother and all she does is complain…help her shift her reality by focusing on the silver linings.

I began to feel him move around 18 weeks, my husband felt him move around 20 weeks, and I really began show around 23 weeks. The second trimester was just as non eventful as the first. I liked to learn about how other women had progressed (when did they feel the first kick, what symptoms are they experiencing, etc.) but I never compared my experience to theirs. I was comfortable sharing my “easy” experience not to boost my ego or to discredit theirs but to lead by example. Because what is life if you’re not choosing to be happy each and every day — and yes happiness is a choice.

By the third trimester I couldn’t believe it was almost over. I had enjoyed every moment of being pregnant even the “bad days” when all I wanted to do was nap or couldn’t catch my breath walking up our one flight of stairs. I admit I was a little nervous not about labor, surprisingly, but what life would be like after he was on the outside. 

What I want all people, not just pregnant ladies, to understand is you don’t need apologize for your condition. Be gentle and understanding with yourself. Listen. We have within us the ancient wisdom and support to overcome any adverse situation.

Most of all stay happy, healthy, and hopeful!

Breaking the Ice.

Guys…this is my first ever blog post! Bear with me… There are so many ideas floating around for topics and ideas so hopefully this will help me better organize these thoughts. 

But first, what content will be discussed?

Anything & everything is fair game. I am a LMT (licensed massage therapist) and trained Birth Doula in Eastern Iowa. Other titles that have been used to describe me in this lifetime are sister, energy worker, wife, reiki practitioner, mom, personal trainer, daughter, light worker, friend…the list is endless. All content will evolve as I do. When I reach new understandings and growth physically, emotionally, and spiritually it’s only fitting to share with others. Not because I expect others to share the same viewpoints but because it is essential to start opening others to different ways of experiencing and understanding life. And to appreciate those who see the world in a different light!

So often I have struggled with saying too much or not saying enough. I’ve witnessed hundreds of synchronicities and premonitions throughout my life. I plan on writing about some of these experiences and how they have shaped the lens in which I view the world today!

Why start this project? So. Many. Reasons. 

While in my doula training I felt an urge to start sharing my experiences and understandings. Through my birth experience I realized how much I am an advocate in my life and also that many people, women in particular, don’t voice their goals when put in vulnerable situations. There is so much fear about the unknown, not only in pregnancy and childbirth, but in life in general. My hope is to show through example or explanation that our experiences in this lifetime are beautiful blessings no matter the circumstances.

I’ve also have seen how others have struggled to “be in the flow” of life. For these individuals there’s a struggle to manifest things and life seems like a losing battle. Do you know anyone like that?  Me against the world mentality, always a victim of their circumstances, does not take responsibility for karmic lessons in their life…these thought patterns can be transformed to start living a lighter, enjoyable existence.

What a start! Thanks for being participants and recipients in this creative endeavor. Hold on tight and remain Happy, Healthy, and Hopeful!