My Spirit Babies

To be honest, the past couple of weeks I have been kinda uninspired to write and have just thrown together some thoughts. This week was going the same way until I stumbled acrosses a podcast about Spirit Babies by Maryn Green from Indie Birth. I’m obsessed. Seriously.

In my posts about my pregnancy and birth, I mentioned an inherent knowledge or understanding. I was in direct connection with my guides, Nosh & his guides, and all of our ancestors where with us as well. It was powerful, it was beautiful, it was perfect. When I had Noah, I literally felt his spirit enter into his physical body during labor…that’s the only way I can describe it. His energy was always present during my pregnancy but I never felt like it was coming from the space where I carried his body. When I began to push in the delivery room it was like a scene from a movie. Imagine him on a train leaving the station. Waving and yelling, “I love you! I’ll see you soon mommy. I love you!” And in an instant his energy disappeared. It was not gone but it was within him. As soon as they laid him on my chest all I could say out loud was “Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi”…over and over again. What I was saying internally was, “There you are. I’m so proud of you. I love you.”

Rewind to January 2016 just shortly before our missed miscarriage. As I was looking at the positive home pregnancy test I “heard” a little girl call out to me. At the time I shrugged it off but a few weeks later when I told a friend I was expecting her initial reaction was “IT’S A GIRL!” And I responded with an “I KNOW!” It was a short time later, between 8 & 9 weeks, when we lost that pregnancy so physically there was no indication of gender. But I know without a doubt that was our sweet daughter. If my husband is reading this (yeah right😜) this will be news to him…I named her Elizabeth Jo aka Betsy Jo. My dad would often appear with her prior to the miscarriage so I suppose that’s why when tragedy came I wasn’t as upset. She was already with Papa and I knew she was okay. Her and Noah have the cutest relationship. She hasn’t visited a lot recently, but when she does Noah lights up for no reason. He giggles and shakes like he does when I walk into the room. I know he sees her and I know she will always be there to protect, support, and love our beautiful rainbow baby.

There are other little souls out there that call me momma but I have yet to explore those relationships. It’s neat to get to know them prior to them physically appearing. If you’re pregnant or trying for a child I encourage you to sit in meditation and communicate with their souls. Whatever is meant to be, just know that they are around and they already love you. All you have to do is be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

Clairvoyance, channeling, spiritual gifts, and the like.

Everyone has unique gifts, affinities, and/or traits that align us with our true self. When we act against these innate characteristics that is when issues arise in our lives. Whether it be with our health, financially, romantically, or anything else that can cause pain and distress.

Seeing auras around objects and people was one of the first gifts I remember experiencing. Growing up, I never had the vocabulary to express what I was seeing let alone an understanding outlet who I felt wouldn’t judge or scold me. I was nearly 20 years old when I first learned about reading auras. It was in a massage continuing education class that had nothing to do with auric fields or energy related topics. During one of our breaks, just for fun, our instructor had another student stand at the front of the classroom  against a white wall. Then she had us write down words to describe her. When we shared what we had written everyone had written obvious descriptors…Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, tired,etc. I wrote down orange. I remember she was wearing a white shirt and black yoga pants so I couldn’t explain why I was seeing so much color around her. Not wanting to sound crazy I withheld my observation until the instructor said, “Did anyone see anything else?” At that point I knew she wanted more than the obvious so I spoke up. She validated I indeed was reading her emotional aura.

Another gift that unfolded for me at an early age is my ability to channel. My previous post about coffee with my father could label me as a medium of sorts. However, I feel like my ability goes much deeper than just communication with energys that once inhabited this physical plane. It’s more of a connection with all energies no matter the origin. When I am locked into the “Source” or “God Energy” (lets not get caught up on terminology) I feel an abundance of emotions and possibilities. Not only does this ability allow me to be a channel for information but it also manifests as clairvoyance. Many friends and family know about my “chingle” AKA my butt cheek tingle. I often get asked random, trivial questions regarding pregnancies, relationships, carreer choices, etc. Up until recently, I indulged in the fact that I’d be spot on and would freely share with whomever was asking. Now I’m more protective of my gift because peoples choices and circumstances are constantly changing. I’ve realized that my chingle about a situation today could be totally different tomorrow due to these fluctuations in action and perception. When I get premonitions I ackowledge them and send gratitude for my ability but I’m much more reserved when sharing with the general public.

I’ve had many instance of feeling odd, strange, or an outsider because of the way I experience life in this realm. Getting picked on for being weird was a constant in my early childhood. I suppressed a lot of who I was just to feel accepted into society. Now, here I am, in my late twenties trying to not bandage over these old emotions but allow them to release and flow. I grow each day because I’m stepping into my own authentic self. I’m learning that who I am is okay because of these gifts and not to be scared of them. By getting reacquainted with myself I am getting happier, healthier, and hopeful.

Religion vs. Spirituality

Many people are struggling with the rigid confines of organized religion and therefore rebelling against it. The rise of different religious paths is really interesting to look into if you’re so inclined. Suppression, misinterpretation, and financial gain are some of the reasons why there has been a disconnect from the religious groups in our western culture. It doesn’t fit our evolving understanding of the meaning of life. Why spend time/energy with things that don’t align within us? What if it comes down to perception? Yes, historically most of the World’s major religions have seen some sort of corruption, but could the thread of truth still be uncovered and brought forth?

I was raised with a strong Christian background. We attended Church and Sunday School every week sometimes twice a week! There were numerous Christmas Programs, Vacation Bible School, and other extra curricular church activities that occupied my childhood. I didn’t really retailiate going to many of these functions and I generally enjoyed worship. In college, as most people do, I revalued my position on organized religion. I stopped attending regularly and didn’t say my daily prayers. I became aware of myself as a spiritual being and that trumped any religious teachings I had up until that point in my life and it made me angry toward “religion”. Who I used to be felt like a stranger and I felt lost but I continued my work spiritually — meditating, daily rituals, chanting, yoga, etc. I refused any kind of religious growth or connection. 

My senior year at The University of Iowa I took a class called Quest for Human Destiny and it created a shift in my understanding. The professor, who happened to also be a Jewish rabbi, used biblical texts as stories of fiction rather than historical events. When The Bible is read through a theoretical lense verses a factual one, it changes the connotation of religious teachings and makes them resonate on a deeper, spiritual level.

“Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place — the Most High who is my refuge — no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. ”

Psalm 91:9-11

The first time (and honestly the last time) I can remember being completely unbridled and authentic with myself was in 5th grade. Each summer I would attend a week-long, overnight Bible camp not to far away from my home. Even though it was less than a 30 minute drive, I felt as if I was thousands of miles away. The land and forest of this particular camp has a strong energetic connection with the Divine. I would lose myself in the awe and wonder during my exploration of the grounds and in the various camp activities. One project that truly lit my internal fire was our daily acts of service. It was basically doing chores around the facility like cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, yard work, and such but it was so much more than that. It taught me how to serve selflessly. Not because it was required but because I felt intrinsic value in doing it. 

Now, as an adult who daily acts in service towards others, I realized that there is no difference between being religious or spiritual. The confusion is within vocabulary. Someone who believes in a Universal Energy or a general “Higher power” is essentially believing in God. One who spends time in prayer is spending time in meditation. Those who have spiritual gifts are essentially “prophets” and share similar abilities as the disciples…

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13:2

As a light and energy worker I often call upon guides, angels, and ascended masters to assist with my clients. Some family members and friends, who have a strong tie with their religious beliefs, have struggled with understanding what I do. From their point of view because it’s “unknown” or “taboo” it’s something to fear. The way I understand it is it actually supports and deepens my personal religious beliefs. Again, just another misunderstanding.

At the end of the day, we are all spiritual beings living a human existence. What path we choose follow can only be determined individually and should be celebrated by everyone even if it’s not in alignment with what we choose to believe. If the object is to make each person believe one way, we hinder our growth as a species. Challenge common understandings, seek YOUR truth, and always be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

Morning Coffee with my Dad.

I’m a little hesitant in writing this so it must be time to share this short piece. Oh, by the way, my dad passed away in 2015. 

Here’s our routine – my 7 month old wakes me up around 7am, I change his diaper, we let the dog out, turn on spotify, my son plays on his mat or in his jumper, and I make a cup of coffee…

About this time there’s a shift in energy in my house. Enter dad. Always on time, always the same. I can imagine him walking through my door with the newspaper tucked under is arm, coffee in the other asking me typical dad stuff. I first started to notice his presence regularly after my son was born and would usually brush it off because it would bring forth heavy emotions of sadness & grief. A close friend, who happens to have many gifts and has never met my father, confirmed his visits when my son was about 3 months so I started paying closer attention.

I sit with my cup at the kitchen table with a pen, notebook, and sometimes my pendulum and oracle or tarot cards. I write down any thoughts or memories that are brought to my mind’s eye. I pay attention to the lyrics and names of songs that come through on my Spotify as these can give more understanding to the topics at hand. I ask him questions of all sorts…what’s it like to transition, professional clairity, reassurance, investment guidance…you name it, we’ve discussed it. Each day brings up new topics and I’m grateful for this extra time with my dad.

For those of you well versed in spirits, attachments and the sort – I assure you all ties are cut and he knows he’s allowed to leave when he wants. I was actually the one to help him cross the first time because his death was sudden and unexpected and he was energetically stuck in this physical plane. It’s entirely up to him when he visits and I know there might come a day my dad won’t join me for coffee, but until then I will grab a second cup and continue to be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

Soul Purpose

In the past couple weeks there has been a monumental shift for me when it comes to my life purpose. I blame the solar eclipse.

I’ve always been a confident person but after giving birth to my son in January I was so empowered. I couldn’t understand why women were rushing for medication and c-sections to get through their normal, healthy labors. I became determined to shift the thinking of expecting women and society, in general…so I took my doula training when my son was 5 months old. There was something missing from that class. It was informative but there was a disconnect or fear when it came to talking about changing societies perception of birth. The way a soul is ushered into this realm is just as important as how they exit…sometimes they need help navigating it! A new mother, as well, needs support in her transition into motherhood. 

For those who don’t know me, I can be pretty intense when engaged in something I’m passionate about and I’m passionate about birth…I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to make the standard, passive doula practice work for me when I know there is a bigger shift to help facilitate with. In my accounts of pregnancy and labor I mentioned that I experienced premonitions and times of just knowing…Can’t everyone experience this reassuring sense of understanding and calm? Yes. Sometimes it’s masked or hidden but it’s available to all. Where does this understanding come from?

Lemuria.  An ancient civilization located on the islands of present day Hawaii. You can google the full history and how their culture spread into the world thousands of years ago. This peaceful community held ancient wisdom from the stars and there is an awakening happening right now like never before. Gender roles were different but equally respected in this civilization. Men were the providers & protecters…women were connected to the Divine and brought forth new souls to nurture.

In Lee Caroll’s channeling of Kyron, he talks about the seed of original knowledge has been lost. This understanding is practical & elementary. It can be applied to beginning and modern societies because the truth of how to behave, how to balance, and become compassionate is always the same generation to generation. Again, google can lead you to many more of these divine messages if you’re interested.

Sidebar: There has been a lot of amazing people doing things with this work but just like with the Akashic records, I feel like there has been a rush of financial gain from a knowledge that is free and waiting for all. Everyone is looking for their “tribe”, I get it. However, when did money ever play a role in the exchanging of ideas or information for our ancestors. It was a human right to be taught these ancient ways (i.e. shamanism and other cultures of the distant past). Let’s go back to interacting as humans, not as business transactions.

Back to my original train of thought…While laboring in the hospital, I entered a meditative state with each contraction. I was physically in the delivery room but mentally I went somewhere else. The teachings from my Lemurian ancestory helped me remain centered throughout my childbirth experience. I was so comforted, not only by external support, but internally…as if I had my own cheering section on the other side of the veil passing my son’s soul off to me in a harmonious and gentle way. We worked together as a team to transition him into this physical plane. And what do you know…He is the most mild mannered baby I have ever met.

In contrast, there was another mother laboring at the same time as me. She was screaming in agony and pain not very far along in her labor. The medical staff told us that she would be getting an epidural, no exception…there was no *trained* emotional support for her. Obviously I don’t know who this woman is or how the rest of her labor went but I can tell you that their little girl did not stop crying the two days we were in the hospital. Morning, noon, and night…wails would come from their end of the hall and we had yet to hear our little guy do more than squeak.

Coincidence or is there a bigger picture here? I’m interested to see how my future pregnancies go (God willing!) and what affect it will have on my children’s temperament and behavior. By being carried by the mother, the child, male or female, would naturally inherit some of her consciousness. And if that consciousness is already awakened and comforted by the pure essence of womanhood/sisterhood than how powerful can future generations become! We’re waking up…it’s the next step for our species and we’re ready to evolve.

I still don’t know where this will take me personally or professionally, I have a better understanding of myself and how I can contribute to humanity in a larger way. I’ve got my confidence back and it will help me continue to live happier, healthier, and hopeful!